friendzone level: isabella swan
by Anton M
Summary: Edward's accompanying poetry for Bella in "Diary of an Ugly Girl." Can be read separately. AH


**A/N:** I created a game. Revising ten questions for my Microbial Physiology exam equals a verse for Edward. Which is why I am publishing this at two AM. I'm a bit scared because I am not known to be good at poetry. If writing makes you feel naked, poetry is like being duck-taped naked onto the ceiling with your dignity in one hand and terror in the other. Either way. This accompanies my story "Diary of an Ugly Girl" but can be read separately. The themes include the next (unfinished/unpublished) chapter.

I'd be elated if I got three reviews for this. Or even one. :)

* * *

you're unaware

you take one step  
stop at the doorway  
I can't see you, but I feel  
your smile  
it's radiant, did you know?  
lily of the nile  
you don't know the power  
what it does

you sit next to me  
you're unaware  
oblivious  
I stare, you're unaware  
you don't know  
you make life worthwhile  
your smile

that smile

but I can't tell you  
every day you remind me  
you're free  
you want nothing to do with me  
not like I do  
you'll flee  
and then where will I be?

you're unaware

of the power it holds  
I'm intoxicated by what unfolds  
in my heart  
it unnerves me  
your smile

you're unaware

so unaware

you make a joke, everyone laughs  
how can you be so blind?  
I want to be an artist who crafts  
feelings, unconfined  
so feelings would grip you  
as they already grip me

because I'm selfish  
I want you all for myself

but you're unaware

so that I can make you understand  
you're incredible  
you've taught equality  
and freedom of perception  
what really matters  
to a school filled  
with insecure people  
everyone loves you  
can't you see?

how can you not see?

you're unaware

if I were an artist  
I would be tempted to sculpt love  
into your heart  
so you'd know how I feel  
so you'd feel how I feel

and wouldn't be so unaware  
but you are

you're unaware

but your smile  
has nothing on your heart  
your heart  
that's all I want

but it's yours to give  
and you're unaware

you're unaware

...

sheet (borderless)  
apply to: whole document

wide eyes and crimson liquid on pale skin  
i find you a band-aid, one with Spongebob  
but i feel a stir begin (within my skin)  
as you lock eyes with mine  
there's a shadow, a flicker of doubt  
spreading in my veins, my tissues and cells

and it's gone, vanished like you on early morning  
i'm left an empty crust without a ghost of a warning

if only I found a band-aid for my heart

do you have it? you're painful  
you're brutal  
you pierced a hole through my heart, and nest  
comfortably between my left ventricle  
and where my left middle lobe would be, pressed  
tightly against my heart and my lungs, my blood stream and breathing

did you know swans mate for life? back off

but you won't, you can't, you don't know you're here  
sometimes it tickles  
when our eyes lock and you smile  
sometimes you remind me of your presence  
as if i could forget  
sometimes you give me a whisper of a kiss  
and i squeeze you against me  
sometimes you steal my breath  
it hurts to breathe  
sometimes you turn me inside out  
and i walk, a man without blood

a man with no borders or bounds

is how you make me feel  
like a sheet (borderless)  
ready to be printed, and each layer of my tissue you peel  
is already yours, yours to possess  
and when you reach the core  
i'm no longer there  
because you find yourself  
and your little nest

remember that swans mate for life? you're brutal

i'm waiting, i'm silent, i'm already yours  
it's not out of fear of rejection  
(mind you, can't deny its power)  
or losing your friendship  
(i'm already unsteady)  
but i swore to none other than myself  
i'd only speak when you're ready  
when you're ready to believe

you're beautiful

i didn't account for attention outside of my own  
a grave error and paralizing mistake  
why do you have to nest in my heart? your tone  
your words, your heart, your soul  
can't you just leave? you're brutal

but you can't  
and i can't make you  
i don't want to  
i can't

the way you touch the dimple on your left cheek as you burst into laughter  
(it's contagious) how you always pull up your right sleeve, never the left one  
how you flush head to toe when sex is mentioned, and your sought after  
company — you don't even know how I've come undone

what would it be like to be in your shoes?  
do i cross your mind? impossible to read  
because from the response you choose  
are you oblivious?  
trying to brush me off?

you took a knife and crawled underneath my skin  
poked with a needle and injected trust and passion and warmth and affection  
thirty seven point four milligrams  
you gave me an overdose  
you're brutal  
but i wonder

one day, will you let me make a nest in your heart?

...

it's cold in the mornings, you disappear, you're not there  
I wish you'd stay, wrapped in my arms, your warmth and mine  
sometimes I feel the touch of your lips on my skin  
on my shoulder or neck or cheek or forehead  
your actions, they're innocent for you, so innocent

if you only knew

it takes all of my restraint not to leap and pin you underneath me  
a kiss on your lips, your neck, lower, with nothing innocent in mind  
I wonder if you fled if you knew, if you only knew  
how much I want to show you how it could be, your skin against mine  
it's heat and ice, a brush of your lips, I want to show you how to redefine  
to redefine desire and affection, just us, for you to want that view

if you only knew

are you embarrassed? is that why you leave?  
I don't like mornings, they're cold, you're not there  
will you ever understand how much self-restraint I wear?  
each time you choose to join me, I get a kiss, it's simple, and I can't believe  
how much I want to return that kiss on your lips, to learn to love together

if you only knew

I want to remove your T-shirt, slide off your shorts, remove it all  
with nothing but your skin against mine, your lips, breath and touch  
to cover you with kisses, everywhere, make you blush from head to toe, to fall  
together, but I'm already falling, where are you? do you find me appalling?  
why else do you assure me it's okay for me to find a girl and bring her home?  
I don't want just any girl, I want you, I want you to find me like I found you

if you only knew

it was a discovery when you told me that a touch I find so casual, a kiss on your temple  
is a first for you, but did you know? did you know that the way I touch you is never offhand?  
and right now, you're sprawled on my couch, your head resting on your hand  
our eyes lock, you smile, god, your smile, it does things to me that would make you blush  
did you know you're unlike any girl I've ever met? I'm enchanted

if you only knew

you've probably figured I'm doing this, writing this, but you don't pry, you don't ask  
god, you're amazing, but even as you're satisfied not knowing what I'm writing  
the thought of finding out what you're writing (is it a journal? is it a blog?), it's inviting  
do you even mention me in it? but maybe I don't want to know, if I'm the perpetual friend  
then I don't want to know  
I've surpassed that line long ago

if you only knew


End file.
